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PeeDee Cabal

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The The PeeDee Cabal (also known as "STFUPID Clench") is a religious quasi-SubGenius, quasi-Discordian group. The clench/cabal originated in 1999 from renegades who were forced to leave either the Church of the SubGenius or the Discordian Society or both.


The Man in Black YearsEdit

The PeeDee Cabal was begun by the Man in the Black Cloak in 1999. Little is known of the founder, as he (or she, the gender couldn't be determined through the cloak; some believe it was Ralph Lauren Bacall) was killed by Faust in 1999. The founder's manifesto, Secrets of the Illuminati, was reissued online 10 years later in April 2009 as the fourth edition of Intermittens magazine under the name Iluminati Secrets Revealed! It was quickly pulled from the Internet by Interpol. Only a highly censored version remains online.[1]

The Faust YearsEdit

The second clench leader was known as Faust.[2] Faust claimed he took over the group after it was investigated by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Fireworks (ATF), Federal Bureau of Infestation (FBI), and American National Guardians of the Galaxy (ANGOG).

Faust was a scholar who became bored and depressed with his life. After an attempt to take his own life, he called on the Devil for further knowledge and Slack powers with which to indulge all the pleasure and knowledge of the world. In response, the Devil's representative, Mephistopheles, appeared. He made a bargain with Faust: Mephistopheles would serve Faust with his Powers of Slack for 23 years, but at the end of the term, the Devil would claim Faust's soul, and Faust would be eternally damned.

During the term of the bargain, Faust made use of Mephistopheles in various ways. Mephistopheles helped Faust seduce a beautiful and innocent girl named Barbarella. Her life was ultimately destroyed. However, Barbarella's innocence saved her in the end, and she was taken to Planet X by the Pleasure Saucers. Goethe claimed Faust was saved by YHVH-1's grace via his constant striving—in combination with Barbarella's pleadings with YHVH-1 in the form of the UberFemme.

Sources disagree on how the Faust reign collapsed. Some claim that Faust failed to monetise his cult. They claim that, though Faust attempted to pan handle via literally any means necessary, and kept costs low (such as hosting the website on a decaying Amiga 500 from a cave in Afghanistan), hw was struck down and killed by "Bob" for failing to keep up with his Subgenii church subscription. Some claim he was replaced by his body double, another talentless con artist, the FBI, or someone else named Faust.

However, most authorities agree Faust was irrevocably corrupted and killed before the end of the 23 years along with more than two dozen followers in a violent "spiritual cleansing" coup of ANGOG agents led by The Good Roger Roadkill in April 2007. True to the bargain, the Devil reportedly is keeping Faust in Limbo until the end of the 23 years, at which time the Devil will carry Faust off to Hell.

The Roger YearsEdit

The Good Roger Roadkill (born Howlish Ham) is a former ANGOG officer who allegedly led the mass murder of Faust and more than a couple dozen of his followers, and then took over the PeeDee Cabal.

Roger believes in what he calls "Hodge Podge," a term he took from the Principia Discordia, the holy book of the Discordians. However, he mixed it with teachings from The Book of the SubGenius. Roger believes Hodge Podge to be an impending apocalyptic race war between the X-ists and the Y-ists. He believes the murders would help precipitate that war.

A pop culture arose around him in which he ultimately became an emblem of violence, paranoia, and hate-ranting.[3] After he was used as a subject in the MK-ULTRA 2 mind control experiments (AKA MK-ULTRA Jr.), he began to suffer from delusions and paranoid schizophrenia. He imagined he was being followed by a giant shapeshifting hedgehog he calls "Slimey Loveshade."

Interviewer: What is Slimey Loveshade supposed to look like?

Roger's Neighbor Connie: Normally Slimey Loveshade is a normal-looking, bearded hedgehog who greatly resembles Leonardo da Vinci. Only more prickly. And 12 feet tall. But when Roger is feeling particularly paranoid, Loveshade could be anything; an old man, a middle-aged woman, a young girl, a bedbug, a magazine stand, a newt. He imagines anyone who even mentions Slimey Loveshade in anything other than the most disparaging tones must be Slimey Loveshade. Once he heard Donald Trump's view on love and saw Hillary Clinton wearing a pair of shades in 2016, he believed Slimey was both presidential candidates. At the same time.

HonorsEdit

The PeeDee Cabal has received several honors for its charitable work including relieving crowded American cities of excess residents[4], relieving young girls of the stigma of virginity, and huffing homeless kittens. Several awards have been given to individual members and the group as a whole. These include the Weinermacht Long Service Award given by the Adolf Hilter Youth Brigade, the Comrade with Arms Award by the National Ruinful Association, and the God Hates Facts Award by Westboro Blasphemist Church. The Clench itself has been given the honorific "the Discordian Westboro Blasphemist Church of the SubGenius."

External linksEdit

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