Dr. K'Taden Legume (5/18/64 - 8/26/95, 8/26/95 - 7/5/2018, 7/5/2018 - 11/27/2018, 11/27/2018-3/31/2022, 3/31/2022-) is/was/will be Chief Technology Officer (CTO) at Forbidden Science Laboratories. He is a former CEO of the SubGenius Foundation who took it in a violent coup from Rev. Ivan Stang in 2012.[1] It was then taken from him in a violent coup.
Dr. K'taden Legume preparing for The Pre-Beacon Test during the solar eclipse of 21 Aug. 2017 simultaneously with Rev. Ivan Stang. The two were separated by over 1,000 miles to prevent a possible cataclysmic event.
The doctor, who studied at Miskatonic University, was one of the better known and most feared SubGenii. He took over from Papa Joe Mama as leader of the Holocaustals in a violent confrontation involving a rigged poker game. (Legume lost the game, so he was forced to take over the cult.) He is one of the most militant leaders of the Church of the SubGenius, often enslaving new Bobbie recruits, including Bobbie Girls, who show up to X-Day.
Before joining the Church, he was the leader of a violent biker gang, and has a corpulent body covered in tattoos. He has survived several heart attacks, and attributes his survival to eating a diet primarily consisting of bacon. One of his groupies said, "Legume is a damn near intolerably sexy cyborg, more machine than man."
First Death[]
Dr. K'taden Legume was reportedly killed in a traffic collision in 1995. According to Pastor X on the "alt.slack watering hole in SubGeniustown," he was riding a motorcycle on Highway 95 on 26 Aug. 1995 when he was killed by a drunk driver.
While Rev. Ivan Stang seemed to agree with the death report, he also wrote, ""He was only 28, I'm 42, he's indestructible, I've already HAD at least THREE lives, how can DR. LEGUME be DEAD while I'M still alive?". This led some to suspect that, after Legume returned, that he didn't actually die. [2]
One of the speakers at Legume's first death was Papa Joe Mama, a close friend who had stayed up all night writing a heartfelt eulogy entitled "The Bouncer of 'Bob'". Despite the long travel distance and all the other inconveniences those who attended the funeral endured, the dead Legume failed to warn anyone (including Papa Joe or Stang) that he might not "stay" dead. When Legume unexpectedly revived after the eulogy, Papa Joe was so amused that he offered to buy free drinks for any driver who wanted to get drunk and circle Legume's neighborhood at midnight to intercept him motorbiking back from his nightshift. (This is a joke: Don't Drink and Drive... unless Legume resurrects from the dead again and you see him driving a motorcycle towards you.)
Battles with the Church[]
Dr. Legume had repeatedly denied the authority of the Early Church of the SubGenius, even questioning its existence. He has had several battles with the self-proclaimed PreChurch Prophet of "Bob" JoX the Bobtist. In Oct. 2017, in battles over the Orgozmonic Booster Field Test leading to The Beacon Project, he left the Church.
Orgozmonic Booster Field Test[]
On 21 August 2017, the day of the total solar eclipse, Dr. Legume and Rev. Ivan Stang performed a simultaneous experiment: The Pre-Beacon Test. This, the beginning of what was to become known as The Beacon Project, was based on artifacts recovered and unveiled during the X-Day Drill of 2017 (including the stillborn child of Coco Dobbs). While Stang's test yielded no observable results, the combined tests revealed the presence of the cloaked X-ist mother ship during totality.
This revelation was praised by some, and cursed by others. Some called it the "beginning of the end." Legume began a fundraiser to complete what he named "The Beacon Project."
In Oct. 2017, he believed the fundraiser for the Church documentary called "Slacking Towards Bethlehem"[3] was taking donations away from The Beacon Project. He left the Church. He allegedly stole the project, for which he began a fundraiser asking for $25,000.[4]
Binky Goes Nuts[]
Dr. Legume's denial of the Early Church of the SubGenius led to him being used as a villainous character in children's programming. (This was possibly inspired by Church Co-Founder Connie Marsh Dobbs starring in children's television).
Dr. Legume is the name of a villain who appears in Binky the WonderSkull's nightmare in "Binky Goes Nuts." His partner is Anna Phylaxis.
Because of his new peanut allergy, Binky cannot eat any peanut products. This upset Dr. Legume enough to stick Binky on a giant slice of bread covered in jelly and threatening to press him with a giant slice of bread covered with peanut butter. Bionic Bunny burst in and wrapped up the duo with the peanut butter slice, and flew Binky to safety.[5]
Second Death[]
Legume died for the second time on X-Day, 5 July 2018, but nobody noticed. This is because he was revived in one second. That's why it's called his second death..
Third Death[]
Saying, "third time's the charm," he died for the third time on 27 November 2018. This was after he raised over $5,000 to contest the leadership of the Church with Rev. Ivan Stang at Stang Ranch.[6] Some claim the Final Battle happened, and Legume was planted in the ground. Others claim Legume never went, and instead used the money to get an early ride on the Pleasure Saucers. Doctors, however, attributed his death to eating a diet primarily consisting of bacon.
Propaganda[]
He has produced a great deal of SubGenius propaganda and art including the Dobbs Ikon, and many videos on YouTube such as this one:
Legume doesn't just make videos, he also appears in them too, like this video of him preaching:
Charming Legume Quotes[]
Legume is known for his charming way with the ladies.
When a young woman publicized one of his videos, he responded with "This story is utter bullshit. Quit riding my dick. In fact, this entire wiki is fraudulent garbage and should be wiped across the Internet's virtual ass.
"You're not supporting the church, and you're muddying up my work with your bullshit. Remove it, or I'll personally make it my mision [sic] to turn your names into shit among SubGenii." [7]
After he posted anonymously, he claimed he was Legume. A young woman asked him to verify his identity. He responded, "You want proof of my identity? Feel free to identify me by the taste of my DICK."[8]
Such a charmer!