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Bobbies

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Bobbie brains

For those without Yeti ancestry, such as Bobbies, the effects of "Bob" on their already addled brains can be quite harmful.

Bobbies are basically n00bz to the Church of the SubGenius who are obsessed with "Bob" and won't shut up about him as they don't yet understand the "Short Duration" part about having a Short Duration Personal Savior. Some are pink, and some will snap out of it.

Once a SubGenius has their true Yeti nature revealed to them and learn the glories of Slack, they almost inevitably have a Bobbie phase. Some SubGenii fall into multiple Bobbie phases; all that matters is that they recognize it and move on. Stang often refers to himself as the first and biggest Bobbie. All Church members sign up for the deal "eternal salvation or triple your money back". While the SubGenii are pretty much guaranteed eternal salvation, Bobbies who screw things up so badly they miss the Pleasure Saucers on X-Day will be clutching their tripled investment as they burn.
But still, that is a really good deal.

The Rant of Ivan Stang Nov 9 198514:32

The Rant of Ivan Stang Nov 9 1985

Just for an idea of how terrible Bobbies are, take a look at this Bobbie website. Isn't it the most horrible website you've ever seen? Here's a classic video of Rev. Ivan Stang ranting about awful, slackless Bobbies back in 1985:


Bobbie quotesEdit

Quotes by BobbiesEdit

  • DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
    • "Don't You Know Who I Am" guy at 2010 NYC "GFY" Devival aka X-Day in Wonderland[1]
  • The audience was all Bobbies but you guys did a good show
    • "Don't You Know Who I Am" guy at 2010 NYC "GFY" Devival aka X-Day in Wonderland[2]
  • Now whut do I call meself??? Eh? Bobbie Zach just doesn't have a nice ring to it. Though I proclaim to be the only self-proclaimed Bobbie, because it suits me.
    • Dahktir Zachary Carleton[3]

Quotes about BobbiesEdit

  • But Bobbies, oh yes, Bobbies...those who would make this church just like all the other religions. Yeah. It's frustrating dealing with them, very frustrating, because they never know that I'm talking about them.
    • The Rant of Ivan Stang Nov 9 1985 (1:58)
  • I love Rev. Ivan Stang, very much. But when he first learned about "Bob" and came to our house to meet him, he drove me crazy. I told him "Bob" wouldn't be home for six months to a year, just to get rid of him. But he camped out on our front porch, waiting. He'd say, "It must be so wonderful being 'Bob''s wife," and "I love 'Bob'" and "'Bob' is so good" and "'Bob' is love" and "I'm sitting on the floor where 'Bob' Himself walked OH MY 'BOB'!". He was the ultimate Bobbie. Finally, three days later "Bob" came home. My husband grinned broadly at Ivan, shook his hand, and kicked him in the balls. Ivan sputtered "'B-B-B-Bob'?" After that, Ivan was really cool.
  • Rev. Ivan Stang claims he was the first Bobbie. Bullshit. As a Prophet of "Bob" before the Birth of Dobbs, I was a Bobbie for decades before Stang started shitting his nappies.
  • By definition, a SubGenius who realizes "I am a Bobbie" no longer is one. The bulldada illumination exposes the Bobbieness to the light of truthiness and it dies instantly.

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