J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
See also Slogans
These are quotes by and about J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, founder of the Church of the SubGenius (1953).
Quotes by "Bob"
- Make them pay as much as they think they can afford. (1953)[1]
- You won't appreciate it if you don't pay for it. (1953, said to "Kitten" Anderson) [2]
- You'd PAY to know what you REALLY think. (1961)[3]
- The dicks you can't see are always longer. (1957, in his cups in a bar after discovering his wife Connie had been having an affair.)[4]
- I'm going to ask you to exercise glands you never knew existed. (ibid)
- Any time you can tape record a fart, you should.* (1991(!) memo) (ibid)
- (But don't leave it by phone on a friend's answering machine, because you won't want your face near your mouthpiece again for the rest of the day.)
- WHO DIED AND MADE YOU GOD? (ibid)
- Eternal Salvation — Or TRIPLE your money back![5]
- I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I'm preaching to! The Book of the SubGenius"[6]
- There IS no God — but if you're any kind of real American, you'll demand that He treat you as an EQUAL. (Revelation X: The "Bob" Apocryphon, said to a child in 1956 at the dedication of the first Home for Slackless Children)
- If it were not for the Discordians, I never would have set the Church loose on the world -- for I know that they will always be around to DESTROY IT if it gets OUT OF HAND.[7]
- The real role of the Church of the SubGenius is to completely destroy the Conspiracy of the Normals. But don't repeat that, ever. (July 1953)
- "Should" ain't "is". "Bob" talking to his son Adam Kadmon after Adam's first date
Quotes about "Bob"
- As he knows, "Bob" is merely an enema for a constipated society.
- Mark Mothersbaugh at Subcon 1981 or 1982, 7:09 [8]
- Moses parted the Red Sea, Oppenheimer split the atom, but "Bob" cut the crap.
- Steve Antczak [9]
- The love of "Bob" can kill normals.
- Rev. Ivan Stang, "The Rant of Ivan Stang Nov. 9, 1985" 3.46 [10]
- I hope BOB doesn't come tonight.
- (Laura Palmer in The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer, 22 July 1984. Palmer starting writing in her diary about the spirit of "Bob" (usually written as "BOB") appearing in the flesh exactly six months after his death on 21 January 1984. There is debate about whether this was actually J.R. "Bob" Dobbs or a doppelgänger)
- Maybe BOB knows God, and that is why he always knows what I am feeling inside. God must be telling him what to do to me. God wants me not to be afraid, maybe, of being dirty. If I'm not afraid, he'll take me to heaven. I hope so.
- (Laura Palmer in The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer, 22 June 1986)
- See "Bob"'s pretty slick. He's like the opposite of neutral.
- Dr. Agon Fly at 2005 teX-DAY Survival Drill and Devival, 1.24 [11]
- I don't care! As "Bob" as my witness, I'm never gonna use that potty again!
- A baby is a gift, a gift from a "Bob."
- ("A Baby is a Gift From a Bob" is a song from The Rugrats Movie. It is sung by Susie and Angelica.)
- "Bob" said that the real role of the church was to completely destroy the Conspiracy of the Normals, which would also Involve destroying the concept of money. Unfortunately, It's going to take a hell of a lot of money to do that. So, In the big picture, we're supposed to take over and control, or else destroy, the world. Simple. Like any other religion.
Dialogue
- Sivet Stang (age 4): You, you have to love "Bob". He loves you, but you love "Bob", you have to.
- Rev. Ivan Stang: Or else what happens if you don't love "Bob"?
- Sivet: He'll kill you. He'll "Bob" you out.
- Ivan: He'll "Bob" you out, folks; you heard it here first; if you don't love "Bob", he'll "Bob" you out.
- Sivet Stang (as interviewed by Rev Ivan Stang) On the Dangers of 'Bob'. [12]